Thursday, May 18, 2006
On Division and Paths...
This is sign language (I think American sign language) for division. I think because of the age I am, I'm witnessing quite a few people making a change of direction in their life, which may sometimes even seem drastic. It looks like a division: on the one hand what we could have been, and on the other (quite literally here hehe) what we're now choosing to become. And I guess sometimes we look at the path the other hand is at and go "if only I'd..." or "what if I'd..."
Now this may look like it's all about choice again, but I'm not so sure. A good friend once told me that everything we do comes from everything we've done before, so that everything we've done before naturally brings us to what we're doing now. Indeed, we only are what our experiences make of us - as I've said here before I think - and whatever happened to us in the past made us and will determine the choices we make now. So we could see it as the fact that we're following a "destiny" or a path that's been there all along. Yes there are mini paths sticking out from the main path from time to time and we get tempted by those. Sometimes we linger next to the entrance of these mini-paths and envisage taking them. But there's always something tugging at us in the direction of the main path... and we end up on that one anyways. Maybe.
That's just one way of seeing/perceiving things but I personally feel like it's true. It works for me.
And seriously, what if all the decisions we made - however hard they may seem - were just a part of what was to happen and what we were to do anyways? I think it kind of makes these decisions less of a paramount thing in a way, as though they were easier to accept.
For instance, I decided a few months ago that I'd go to the US next year because my man's in NY. That was a tough decision to make because I'd never have gone if it weren't for him; instead I'd have gone to the UK and studied the Royal Shakespeare Company and practiced Aikido with Trish and Sensei and would have had a blast of a time. Or not. Who can tell? Anyways next year is big Shakespeare-on-the-stage wise because the RSC's doing a Complete Works Festival. I would have loved to be there for that. Instead I'm going to NY to be a French assistant in a Uni that's really good with theatre. A whole world of different opportunities will open for me. Well that sounds like a division pattern doesn't it? I mean one life on the one hand, another life on the other hand... But probably all that I've done before has prepared me for this time in the US. I do have unfinished business over there and I've already taught as a tutor (of linguistics though) at Uni in France and loved the experience. So I guess I am quite ripe and ready for the NY thing. Doesn't that sort of say that maybe I was heading in this direction the whole time? So it's not that much of a big change of plans after all, is it now?
And about the big PhD dilemma I mentioned previously... Well I've done two degrees, one in English and one in Linguistics. And I talked to my English teacher about the fact that I was torn between following her and following the linguistics guy instead. They talked about me and they've come up with the idea of an inter-disciplinary subject that they will both direct, mixing both linguistics and theatre... I still have to see if I like the topic they're thinking about but it would be tough for me not to do so... So in this case, two different paths become united in one. Right? (I know I know, the cell here is dividing, but just for the sake of this post let's imagine the two bits are actually coming together on the right...)
As Dowell would say: I don't know, I don't know. I leave it up to you...
# posted by V @ 12:56 PM 
