Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Nadj
Nadejda or Nadj..You can't forget her once you've met her. She's so full of life, she shines through a room when she's in it. Or she can make it burst with the sound of her voice when she gets mad for no apparent good reason. The point is, you feel her presence, in whatever way, she just fills any place she's in!
When I think of her, lots of colours come up, pinks and blues and greens... which is odd because she doesn't really wear such colourful clothes. But it's her personality. Bursts of colour and emotions. All sorts of emotions.
We were really close friends in our teens. I used to always hang out at her place and she'd come sleep over. Well, talk more than sleep, which left me very tired :p Sometimes I fell asleep while she was still talking. And you know, I'm quite talkative but she oh so beats me on that one! So we both got to know each other's families, and her little brother and sister, the twins, really felt like they were my siblings as well. We shared our love stories, like all adolescents do, we babysat together, we did theatre together, we went on vacation together, we went roaming in the countryside together, and I even learned to decipher Russian so I could help her learn her vocab before Russian tests...
Didn't stop us from losing tough once or twice and fighting sometimes and having very - how shall I put it - far from quiet conversations... But it just felt natural when we were together, even if there'd been a gap of a couple of years. We fit, if you see what I mean. In the past few years we'd gotten in a relationship in which we talked more of how we are deep down, sort of in a self-analytical way.. And we helped each other out in that process. Sort of shrinked each other. And we kicked each other's ass more than once when the other needed it!
I think I always admired her in a way, because she's so casual and artsy. She can take whatever clothes and make herself look gorgeous in them. Talk about fashion, she used to wear her green baby-like wellington boots with a skirt and a very supple top with cleavage. Looked crazy and no one else would have been able to pull it off, but looked good on her. Guess what they're selling in Parisian Gap stores now? Wellington boots and the same kinds of tops...
There's a kind of sensuousness to her body, and like an airy waft around her that makes anything a great wear on her. Even if it all looks like she's done it in no time, clumsily, and with no thought about it - and it often is the case indeed - it's just right. Like this one day she convinced me to cut my hair. She's always been fighting for me to look sexier, she hated it when I wore closed up things that covered my whole body and when I hid behind my hair and clothes. So she captured me in the bathroom at her father's place and told me she'd cut my hair. I thought she'd done it before at the time but I have since had a strong suspicion that it actually was her first time... She sort of screwed it up on the way because she cut it way too short on one side, and then she sort of made up for it and it turned out great! Even when I went to the hairdresser's to get the same one because my hair had gotten longer since, she said the cut had been done really well. That's the sort of amazing thing she could do. Give her whatever crap and she'll turn in into something artsy :) With a very bossy way around it!
But sometimes she was just clumsy. Like when she sat on the toilet in my place and came out with the seat broken in two and a pained expression on her face... it'd just broken under her. The thing is you can't be mad at her in these cases because her face looks like an angel's and she really looks like she's soo sorry....
Girl, you made me laugh....
In some ways she was still a little girl. Fragile and casting random waves of affection around, clinging to people sometimes, depending on them in a way. One of the things she did that I loved was giving gifts out of the blue. Seemingly worthless gifts like a little box full or tiny little objects, but always presents that I've kept and cherished for years and that have more value to me than any object, even the most expensive. But with all her excesses of emotions she could also be very adult-like. She had this way with kids... She's perfect with them. And she knows how to listen and give advice. When she wants to :p
She was a stunningly beautiful brightly-coloured flower with a couple of thorns but with very soft fluffy petals and a delicate fragrance...
It's difficult to imagine and to bear the idea that I'll never see her again, all I can do is think of embracing her, of holding her close and protecting her.. Which she'd have hated by the way....
She was beaming with life and now she's no more, and it all took a few seconds. It doesn't make sense and it never will. All I know for sure is that she'll never make it back... but I still can't accept that.
She's influenced me in so many ways, she'll be in me always. She's one of the few people about whom I can say they really shaped who I am. All the waves of happiness she sent when she was here with us brightened our world, and we all wish she could have been here longer to share her bit of sunshine with us.
Nadj, wherever you are now, khush raho, be happy. Be happy that you affected so many lives for the better and that you've left such love in our hearts. And also, if I ever catch up with you, be prepared for the biggest ass-kicking you ever got for leaving so long ahead of me, you utter absolute traitor!!!!! I'll try and do what you wanted me to do all along, live a fun life, abandon myself a bit more, and smile and laugh... and you, try not to be mad at me if I wrote stuff you'd consider as being mellow about you and if I miss you always and get sentimental to the point of tears when I think of you, even years from now... Have a sweet second life girl...
# posted by V @ 12:10 PM 
