Saturday, June 16, 2007
Vicious Circle
I'm feeling crappy because of a vicious circle that's taken hold of me. I think Ben would call it wallowing in self-pity... I feel like I'm doing really poorly with my work, so that makes me feel worthless and really down, and when I express that to the people around me or see the effect my mood has on them, it makes me feel even yuckier about myself, like they'll really dislike me for it, which plunges me back down the road of self-deprecation, which makes me doubt everything I do... including my work.
So all in all I'm scared of doing shitty with my work, of having pissed off the people who are witnesses to my moods (like Marie, my mum and David), of eventually losing them because they'll realise what a shitty boring problematic cray-all-the-time person I am, and, because they're really close people, that sends me down even farther in the land of everything's just not right. Oh and of course because my work sucks, my supervisor will get rid of me, and I won't be able to do a PhD (which corroborates the previous post - you see there's method in my madness - btw, a star for who finds what the reference is here!).
I think the time has come.
For a giant
GAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
# posted by V @ 2:41 AM 
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Keep the faith. You can do it... and you will, you're to far in now :P
But yeah, this is why PhD students HATE discussing their PhD 90% of the time.
But yeah, this is why PhD students HATE discussing their PhD 90% of the time.
Nice!
You're actually the second one who finds it, Marie told me already on the phone. But yeah, you get a star ;)
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You're actually the second one who finds it, Marie told me already on the phone. But yeah, you get a star ;)
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