Vblurb

I've had a relatively crazy week, running around all over the place getting things done and organised, sorting through things etc. Yet, I feel like I've achieved nothing and am not getting anywhere. Part of my stress this week was basically thinking I had a problem and then realising I didn't, and also dealing with not having prepared things on time and being behind schedule for them. I was at my gramma's last weekend and only returned on the Tuesday. Since down there is all countryside and no stress, no work, no internet, nada to disturb one, I did a little bit but not much. So Tuesday eve caught me with OMG so much to do so little time, after 4 days of lazying in the country. And now, I have to prepare 5 classes for next week and map out a progression for the semester for 4 of them. I should have gotten started earlier but now I only have Sunday to get them prepared basically, and a bit of time in between each class, usually eaten up by lots of silly little things that get in the way during the day. Like playing on the pc with David or checking emails or chatting with colleagues or talk to David for hours. I do that a lot. Talking. I guess that's why I'm a teacher and doing theatre... Because I like talking and when you teach you get to do a lot of that. And you get lots of colleagues to gossip with!
So yeah I need to kick my ass into gear way more so I stop wasting so much time idling about doing games and spending chatty time. Otherwise I end up staying up till 1 am to finish preparing class for the next day and being tired all week cause I do that so losing a whole day (sometimes 2) over the weekend to rest cause I'm just so damn tired by going to bed so late every night.
We will soon have offices at Uni, us teachers that is, and that will help I think: having a place just to study. Unfortunately, my office is rather large, with 5 other people.... I hope there won't be too much chatting in there. The cool thing is I really like the people in the office, with the downside of course that it'll get me to talk to them! Never happy, am I?
Also I've been getting more and more the feeling of getting trapped (like you Nush) at the idea that I don't have the money to be fully independent and get my own place with David. I'm just not paid enough yet. And I don't know when I will be able to do so. It's the first time two thoughts are coming to mind: 1) maybe I should go live outside of Paris where it's cheaper to get an apartment and 2) I'm a bit bugged that I'm not getting paid more. I never used to care about the money thing because I always thought "I'll be doing something I'm really passionate about, who cares if I don't have much money?" But I don't even have enough for a place to live in. And I'm trying to go to the US with D to visit his family and to India for Med and Nusha's wedding and to pay for all that and if I didn't live at my mum's place, I wouldn't be able to take any of these trips, which is something I really enjoy doing (travelling). So yeay I'm doing a job I really enjoy, but yucky that it's basically all I could do... if I were able to afford an apartment. As things stand saving on rent = being able to travel. I wonder what things will be like when I finally get enough money to pay rent, basically I'll become poorer all of a sudden for the price of having a private living space. So is it really worth it? I mean it looks like it's apartment OR travel. I'm not sure I wanna chose!! I have such luxurious tastes I swear...
So here I am at 1am on a Saturday evening, all stressed out an anxious over money and work instead of relaxing with my man and getting the rest I need to be able to do all the work I need to get done tomorrow.
Ah yes, and I'd also love to do more exercise (than nada basically) but am not taking the time for it and I definitely feel like I can't afford it other than in the house where it's free (which is mainly not true), and where it's hard to motivate me to do anything these days apparently.
Ah these rich Westerners cribbing and complaining about everything when they have it so easy with a good job, a house and a wonderful man....